The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Comedy of Errors
Is He Emotionally Unavailable? Spot These 11 Red Flags and Discover How to Handle It
11 Red Flags of Emotional Unavailability and How to Address Them
Image by Igor Madjinca / Stocksy
September 22, 2023
We here at VoiceAngel believe that healthy relationships require maintenance, understanding, and mutual give and take for both partners to feel loved and supported. But oh, boy, when it comes to dealing with emotionally unavailable men, those things can seem rarer than a unicorn sighting at the grocery store. So, what’s a girl to do?
To uncover the truth and provide you with some comic relief, we’ve asked experts why men can wind up emotionally unavailable, the telltale signs to watch out for, and most importantly, how to handle it. Buckle up, ladies, it’s going to be a bumpy ride!
What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable?
Now, let’s start by defining our subject of interest. Picture this: someone who is emotionally unavailable is someone who is not open to intimacy, discussing or sharing their feelings, or otherwise allowing themselves to be vulnerable. Basically, they’re like that creepy neighbor who never turns on the lights in their house.
According to licensed marriage therapist Weena Culins, being emotionally unavailable means you’re unwilling or unable to manage the emotional aspects of a relationship. It’s like they’re handing you a box of emotions and saying, “Thanks, but no thanks!”
Why men can struggle with emotional availability
Alright, buckle up ladies, things are about to get real. Are you ready?
Men and women both have the capacity to become emotionally unavailable, but hold on to your highlighter, because here’s where it gets interesting. According to therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, men are particularly traumatized in our culture by gender roles and expectations that suggest they don’t show any vulnerability. It’s like they’ve been handed an emotional straightjacket by society.
But wait, there’s more! Apparently, there’s a colossal amount of mixed cultural messaging telling men how to behave in relationships. Be sensitive, but not too sensitive. Be strong, but also vulnerable. Show your partner you care, but for the love of all things holy, don’t show you need them! Can someone please provide these men with an instruction manual?
Of course, this dynamic isn’t limited to just heterosexual couples. In the LGBTQ+ community, things may be slightly different, thanks to a greater sense of freedom when it comes to crossing gender boundaries. But hey, emotional availability struggles still exist. It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack, but instead, it’s a needle that wants to cuddle.
11 signs of emotionally unavailable men
Now that we’ve set the stage, let’s dive into the signs that your man might be emotionally unavailable. Cue the dramatic music!
- They’re uncomfortable with serious conversations: If discussing your feelings with your man feels as awkward as trying to ride a unicycle while balancing a stack of pancakes on your head, it’s a clear sign of emotional unavailability.
- They minimize your feelings: Imagine pouring your heart out to someone, only to have them respond with an eye roll or text on their phone? Yup, emotional unavailability strikes again. It’s like trying to win a heart with a half-eaten sandwich.
- They’re defensive: Instead of engaging in an open and honest conversation during a conflict, their go-to move is defensiveness. Just imagine playing a game of emotional dodgeball with these guys.
- Communication isn’t consistent: One day they’re all over you like paparazzi at a Kardashian wedding, and the next day they vanish without a trace. Talk about playing emotional hide-and-seek!
- They’re insecure: Yes, you read that right. Insecurity can actually cause people to push away the very thing that might help them feel more secure. It’s like they’re allergic to emotional affection.
- Their relationship history is one big red flag: If their dating history reads like a “How To Avoid Commitment 101” textbook, it’s time to put on your running shoes and sprint away from this emotional rollercoaster.
- They feel smothered by intimacy: These guys see independence as their holy grail and become terrified at the thought of being dependent on someone else. Emotional avoidance for the win!
- They don’t want to label the relationship: If the person you’re dating treats defining the relationship like a high-stakes game of “Guess Who?”, they might not be ready to fully commit. It’s like trying to pin Jell-O to the wall.
- They’re impossible to please: These emotionally unavailable folks have mastered the art of finding flaws even in the most flawless of humans. It’s like they have a Ph.D. in picking apart imperfections.
- There’s no mutual understanding or trust: Walking on eggshells and tiptoeing around their sensitive emotions becomes the norm when you’re with an emotionally unavailable man. It’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded.
- They’re only free when it’s convenient for them: Ah, the cherry on top! These men value control over everything else and won’t budge an inch to accommodate your needs. It’s like dating a superhero minus the heroic deeds.
What to do about it
Alright, now that you know what you’re up against, let’s talk damage control. Here are some key steps to take when dealing with an emotionally unavailable man:
- Know that you’re worthy of love: Remind yourself that you deserve love and respect. Don’t settle for someone who can’t give you the emotional nourishment you need. No more emotional crumbs, ladies!
- Open up a dialogue: Communicate your needs and set some ground rules. While you can try to understand their fears and limits, don’t fall into the trap of shaming yourself or compromising your own needs.
- Cut ties if the relationship is draining you: There comes a point when the love, energy, and time you invest outweigh the potential benefits. Remember, self-preservation is key. It’s time to wave goodbye and seek greener, emotionally available pastures.
FAQs:
Q: What is an emotionally unavailable man like?
A: An emotionally unavailable man is uncomfortable with emotional conversations, intimacy, and anything that requires them to be emotionally vulnerable. Think of them as the Houdinis of emotions.
Q: Do emotionally unavailable men love you?
A: It’s possible for an emotionally unavailable man to love another person, but their resistance and distance can often overshadow their feelings. So, yes, but no, but maybe?
Q: Can you stay with an emotionally unavailable man?
A: Yes, you can stay with an emotionally unavailable man, but the real question is: should you? Relationships are a two-way street, and if nothing is changing, it might be time to hang up the emotional boxing gloves.
The takeaway
In the realm of love and relationships, finding yourself attracted to an emotionally unavailable man can be a whole comedy of errors. It’s like trying to teach a dog to ride a bicycle—funny to watch, but ultimately futile.
So, lovely ladies, don’t waste your time and energy on someone who can’t give you the love and support you deserve. Instead, set your sights on finding someone who can nourish your emotional well-being. Remember, life is too short for emotional unavailability!
Disclaimer: VoiceAngel cannot be held responsible for any emotional distress caused by emotionally unavailable partners. Please proceed with caution and a good sense of humor.
