The Best Store-Bought Eggnogs: A Taste-Off Extravaganza

I Tried 12 Store-Bought Eggnogs—Discover the Definitive Winner

The Best Store-Bought Eggnog My Top Pick Out of 12 Tried and Tested

Eggnog, oh eggnog, you fascinating food item! It’s a force that elicits extreme reactions—either love or loathing—when you ask someone if they like it. It’s like a fashion trend that some embrace wholeheartedly while others cringe at the thought. It’s like a daring makeup look that some pull off flawlessly while others end up looking like a hot mess.

In my household, eggnog wasn’t a tradition. My only encounter with it was through the lens of Christmas movies, where punchbowls brimmed with the frothy concoction, usually enhanced with a splash of bourbon. And because the idea of creating an egg-based drink myself gives me pause, I’ve always relied on the trusty store-bought carton.

But this year, my friends, I decided to embark on a holiday taste-off adventure. Armed with a thirst for knowledge and a cart full of store-bought eggnogs, I set out to find the ultimate champion in the realm of eggnog. And let me tell you, the journey was filled with surprises and revelations that even the fashion world would envy.

Drumroll, please! The verdict is in, and the winner of our eggnog taste-off is about to be revealed. But before we dive into that creamy goodness, let’s not forget that eggnog is versatile. It’s like a little black dress that can be dressed up or down, paired with sweet or savory. So, even if you’re not an eggnog enthusiast, fear not, my fashionable friends! There are plenty of other creative ways to enjoy its creamy magnificence.

[Taste-Off: The Best Eggnog Brand]

Oh, the suspense! Our panel of eggnog connoisseurs tried them all—the thick and creamy variations, the dairy-free almond and oat nogs, and of course, the classics. It was a symphony of flavors dancing on their taste buds.

And now, without further ado, let me present to you the holy grail of store-bought eggnogs—the one that emerged as the clear winner! Cue the standing ovation from the fashionably dressed audience.

[Insert image of the best store-bought eggnog]

But wait, my fellow fashionistas, before we crown the champion, let’s establish some guidelines. Just like fashion has its principles, eggnog has its own set of rules.

Ranking Guidelines

A little sleuthing into the history of eggnog revealed some fascinating tidbits. Did you know that people who claim they don’t like eggnog probably haven’t tasted the real deal? And did you know that store-bought versions are sometimes referred to as “milk nog” because they contain minimal amounts of egg yolk? Armed with these insights, we embarked on our quest for the crème de la crème of store-bought eggnogs.

1. Flavor: If you think eggnog tastes like a plain old egg, my friend, you’ve been missing out. The best eggnog is like sipping on melted ice cream—a delightful fusion of sweetness and subtle spices that tickle your taste buds without overwhelming them. It’s like infusing milk with magical spices, creating a harmonious balance that deserves a standing ovation. And remember, a well-mixed eggnog can even handle a splash of bourbon, adding a sharpness that would make any fashion accessory jealous.

2. Texture: Imagine a texture that’s thick, creamy, and custard-like. It’s like wearing a luxurious silk dress that hugs your curves just right, making you feel like a fashion icon. Some say that as you sip it, it should coat your throat. Sounds appetizing, doesn’t it? Well, when it comes to store-bought eggnogs, we were in search of versions that were thick, luxurious, and decadent—none of that watery nonsense.

[Insert image of eggnog with creamy texture]

In our pursuit of the perfect eggnog, we encountered a few disappointments. Some eggnogs landed at the bottom of the rankings, and they were so unworthy that we couldn’t even rank them against each other. It was as if they were fashionably challenged, unable to impress even the most forgiving fashion critics.

The Not-So-Greats

Allow me to introduce the fashion faux pas of the eggnog world:

1. Trader Joe’s Regular Eggnog and Oat Nog: While we adore Trader Joe’s for many things, their eggnogs fell flat. They had a watery texture, and the oat nog version lacked any discernible flavor. It was like dressing up in a stunning outfit but forgetting to wear shoes—something was missing.

2. HEB Select Ingredients Eggnog: This eggnog was as thick as can be, but unfortunately, it tasted like air freshener in the mouth. Some suggested that a generous splash of bourbon could remedy the situation, but when it comes to fashion, we shouldn’t have to rely on accessories to make an outfit work.

3. Kroger Brand Rich and Creamy Eggnog: Ah, the cinnamon milk in disguise. This eggnog deceived our taste buds, leaving us longing for the real deal. It’s like trying to recreate a high-end fashion brand with bargain bin materials—it just doesn’t work.

4. Private Selection Eggnog: Oh, Private Selection, you missed the mark. Your eggnog was as thick as molasses and had an artificial whiskey flavor. It’s like trying to pull off a counterfeit designer bag—no matter how hard you try, the magic is missing.

5. Chobani Oatmilk Oat Nog: The Chobani Oat Nog had a lot of spice, but sadly, it lacked spices in the ingredient list. It was like wearing a stunning outfit that looks flawless from afar, but upon closer inspection, you notice a few loose threads.

But fear not, my stylish comrades, not all hope is lost. There is a middle ground, a territory where eggnogs reside that may not be fashion superstars but are still worthy of consideration.

The Middle-Ground

In the realm of eggnogs that are drinkable but not quite showstoppers, we have two contenders:

1. Lactaid Eggnog: It may not be the cream of the crop, but this lactose-free eggnog is still a viable option. It’s not overly thick, and the flavors may not be as bold as the winners, but it’s still a decent choice. It’s like finding a trendy outfit on sale—it may not be designer, but it’s still fashionable.

2. Almond Breeze Nog: This almond-based nog doesn’t boast the same creamy texture as its dairy counterpart, but it still holds its own. The flavors may fall a bit flat, but in a pinch, it’s a viable option. It’s like wearing a stunning accessory that elevates your outfit just enough to make a statement.

And now, my fashion-forward friends, we come to the moment we’ve all been waiting for—the crème de la crème, the pinnacle of store-bought eggnogs. Brace yourselves for the champion, the true winner of our taste-off extravaganza.

The Best of the Best Store-Bought Eggnogs

In third place, we have a sleeper hit that will surprise you—Simple Truth Eggnog. This private label gem stole the heart of my dad, with its nutmeg-heavy spice flavor and thick, luxurious texture. Some tasters detected a slight artificial aftertaste, but that didn’t diminish its position as a top contender. It’s like discovering a hidden gem at a vintage fashion store—a unique find that becomes your go-to statement piece.

In second place, we have a regional favorite—1836 Farms Texas Dr. Nog. This eggnog won over my taste buds with its perfectly balanced texture and natural flavor. It’s like stumbling upon a local designer who creates stunning pieces that only those in the know appreciate. It’s a hidden treasure that deserves recognition.

And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for—the winner of our taste-off extravaganza—the champion among store-bought eggnogs—is Southern Comfort Traditional Eggnog. This eggnog captivated our panel with its warming and delicious spice flavor, and a texture so thick and creamy you’d mistake it for melted ice cream. It’s like stumbling upon a fashion brand that is effortlessly stylish, serving as your ultimate go-to for any occasion.

[Cue triumphant music and ticker-tape parade]

If you ever find yourself in need of a store-bought eggnog that rivals homemade perfection, look no further than Southern Comfort’s Traditional Eggnog. It’s the fashion equivalent of finding that perfect little black dress—the one that fits like a dream, makes you feel like a million bucks, and never goes out of style.

So, my dear fashion enthusiasts, the search for the best store-bought eggnogs has come to an end. But remember, this taste-off is merely the beginning of your culinary adventures. Use this knowledge to elevate your holiday recipes, impress your loved ones, and embrace the magic of eggnog in all its delightful forms.

Now, it’s time for you to indulge in the world of eggnog. Which brand will you choose? Will you dance with the winner, Southern Comfort Traditional Eggnog, or explore other contenders? The choice is yours, my stylish friends. Happy eggnog season, and may your holiday gatherings be as fashionable as can be!

[Originally published on December 14, 2022, and updated since then]

• Drinks
• Food